the art of losing.

there is an art to knowing your growth, and ending the lie in your bones that says you are right where you always have been. { Good Women Project }

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over the last couple of weeks, i’ve looked through old yearbooks and photos and even the Live Journal i kept from 2003 – 2008. there are very obvious changes: the way i look. where i live and work. people i’ve added to my circle and people who chose to leave.

but there has always been a consistent theme: i’m not satisfied with my life. in the words of Bono, i still haven’t found what i’m looking for. and each year, it creates a greater unease; a stronger sense of disarray in my heart and mind.

at the beginning of each year, i make a list of all the things i want to accomplish in the next 12 months. i consider what makes me happy and pledge to do more. i review what upsets me or disappoints me about myself and vow to remedy it. or i just add something crazy to my 30 to Thirty list.

each item on the list represents something i think will make me feel more complete. but somehow, in the back of my mind, i know it won’t be enough. there’s something larger, deeper than just a check list of expectations that needs to change.

so this year, my resolution is to be still and know: recognize and celebrate every little moment that contributes to my growth.

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